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How to Hate Your Job (or not)

10 Wildly Unscientific Observations About How to Have a Terrible Time at Work Today

1.    Spend at least one third of your day texting with friends about how awful your jobs are. Make sure they know that yours is the definite worst.

2.    Read articles about how much money people make on average in other industries, especially industries that pay extremely well and for which you are wildly unqualified and/or uninterested.

3.    Start every meeting by talking about what’s broken. Also, end every meeting this way.

4.    Make a to-do list for the day that you can’t possibly complete. 

5.    Raid the candy dish every hour on the hour. Line up the empty wrappers like a tiny clothesline of shame. 

6.    Make sure your boss knows that you work harder than other people. All other people. 

7.    Imagine the life you could have had if you had only majored in/married/accepted/declined/saved/given away/stayed/left/asked for/demanded/waited/been better/smarter/faster/quieter/louder/younger/older/taller/someone else entirely, really. 

8.    Consume only caffeinated beverages. 

9.    Read your ex’s horoscope. Rationalize sending it to them because it seems eerily accurate.

10.  Try to catch your co-workers scrolling Facebook by posting links to kitten videos and then waiting for them to instinctively click “like.” 

10 Wildly Unscientific Observations About How to Have a Much Better Time at Work Today

1.    Schedule a get-together with someone invested in you being your best self. 

2.    Spend three minutes remembering your first day at this job. 

3.    Ask at least three people you work with what the best thing is that's happened today. 

4.    Start your day with a task you know you can complete. 

5.    Make four columns on a piece of paper. In the first, list your strengths. In the second, note the ways that strength is being used in your current job. In the third, list the ways that strength could be used. In the fourth, list an action you can take in that area.

6.    Drink water. 

7.    Think about your favorite work experience ever. Close your eyes and picture it in detail. Now imagine yourself ten years from now, living a new version of that favorite work experience. 

8.    Walk away from your workspace at least once every hour. Drink more water. 

9.    Find a way to compliment someone on their work, and mean it. 

10.  Before leaving for the day, make a note about one thing you accomplished today, large or small. Leave it where you can find it, next to the others like a tiny clothesline of pride. 

Marty McConnell